Introducing the peasant jackhammer: D&D's 2024 rulebooks have kept the tradition of serf-based warfare alive

Tell me, weary traveller: When I say the words «peasant railgun», what image is summoned to your mind. A high-tech rifle used to liberate the working class of a fantasy world? No. It's 2,280 hirelings standing in a line, using rules chicanery and a pretty solid misunderstanding of how TTRPGs work to argue that a sufficiently motivated workforce can fling a ladder at 1,188 miles per hour.

This whole idea is more of a fun thought exercise, rather than something that was available to players in 5th edition Dungeons & Dragons. While, yes, a line of 2,280 creatures could move an object that distance with their readied actions, it also relies on applying the rules for a falling object to something going, you know, sideways, with the proletariat fulfilling the role of gravity.

This is, to put it simply, nonsense—rules as written, the ladder would zip several thousand feet before being (best-case scenario) hucked as an improvised thrown weapon for a mighty 1d4 bludgeoning damage. Maybe 1d12 if the DM is happy to accept that a ladder is equivalent to a greatclub.

Well, I'm pleased to report that a genius by the name of Deathpacito-01 from the dndnext subreddit has cooked up another peasant-based strategy which, while probably still not permissible by any sensible DM, is technically within rules-as-written territory (thanks, Wargamer): «Do I think you should try this at your table? No. I'm not posting this as a recommendation, but rather as a warning.»

The peasant jackhammer works as follows. Step one: cast the new 2024 rulebook's version of Conjure Woodland Beings, which works a little like Spirit Guardians, now. It deals a respectable 5d8 force damage «whenever a creature you can see enters the emanation or ends its turn there,» but, says Wizards of the Coast, wagging its mighty finger, «A creature makes this save only once per turn.»

That «once per turn» bit is the crucial part. Because the new ruleset lets you auto-fail a check to be grappled if you'd like, you could,