Hollywood billionaires Mario and Sonic now too good for the Olympic Games

When France lights the Olympic flame on Friday to signal the start of the 2024 Paris Olympics, Team Videogames will be shamefully unrepresented in the prestigious ceremony. The shame tomorrow belongs not to the Olympic committee, which has in fact agreed to bring esports into the fold in 2025. No, the shame lies with two competitors who seemingly couldn't be bothered to show up.

Mario the plumber and Sonic the Hedgehog have failed not only the Games, but themselves.

The iconic gaming mascots haven't missed a Summer Olympics since 2008's Mario & Sonic at the Olympic Games, which was followed by Mario & Sonic at the London 2012 Olympic Games, Mario & Sonic at the Rio 2016 Olympic Games, and Mario & Sonic at the Olympic Games Tokyo 2020. They made history by earning gold medals in a staggering 20 events at the Beijing games, distinguishing themselves as the captains of Team Videogames in everything from archery to gymnastic vaulting. In Tokyo, their home turf, they showed off their skills in even more sports, racking up golds in new events like rock climbing, skateboarding and karate.

Just a few short years ago they were so dedicated to the Games they even showed up in the Japanese capital early—in November 2019!—a full 20 months before the event actually took place. What happened to that extraordinary sportsmanship?

They seemed unstoppable. Yet that slimy, seductive wormtongue called fame has now lured Mario and Sonic away from the noble pursuit of sport and into the dark heart of Hollywood.

After 2023's The Super Mario Bros Movie grossed more than $1.3 billion worldwide, Mario is newly crowned Hollywood royalty, focusing on a sequel and slate of spin-offs to line his pockets with more corrupting green. He's already dragged his most taciturn friend into his new debaucherous lifestyle. Sonic, meanwhile, has betrayed his kind even more completely, forsaking his former Olympic teammates for the company of humans instead. No one anticipated the cocksure star's first