Final Fantasy 14 stuck a hat on a pig and got me to buy over $20 worth of boba for it like the fool I am

When it comes to real-world meatspace collaborations with Final Fantasy 14, the UK (and to an extent, Europe) usually gets left out while Japan and the States get to party with the likes of KFC, Mountain Dew, and GrubHub. I've led a sad, Mountain Zu and /eatchicken-less existence, but now Square Enix has finally tossed us English folk a bone with its latest collaboration.

Who is the chosen one of the food and drink variety this time? It's Gong Cha, a chain of bubble tea stores located throughout Europe, Asia and the United States. Don't worry if you've never heard of it. Despite its global presence, it has shockingly few locations throughout, a complaint that has already been making the rounds across social media. Despite the collaboration being open to Europe, there are zero stores in countries like Germany and Italy. 

In fact, only four European countries can actually participate—six if you count Australia and New Zealand, which for some reason Square Enix does. Even when it comes to the UK, all 15 of its stores listed on its website are located wholly within England; four of which are in Manchester, and a further three in London. The issue transcends Europe too, as I've seen a handful of Reddit posts from American players complaining that their nearest Gong Cha store is hundreds of miles away.

Fortunately for me, I happen to have a Gong Cha store located within a travelable distance. I'm not exactly left wanting for boba shops around here, and as a result I'd never actually set foot into my closest Gong Cha. Until now, that is. I'm well back into my Final Fantasy 14 brainrot thanks to Dawntrail's release, and as a fan of boba and an unabashed shill for these sorts of things, I decided to make the pilgrimage.

The premise of the collaboration is simple: Buy enough drinks, and either get the in-game Porxie King mount or a fun real-world Final Fantasy 14-themed boba tea keychain for your patronage. Rather annoyingly, Gong Cha requires you to buy three entire drinks