FF14 players skip over perfectly serviceable catboy to thirst relentlessly over a giant, two-headed lizard jerk instead

Final Fantasy 14 is known for its pretty, fanbase-fuelling men—and they typically share a few common characteristics between them.

They're usually chiselled, handsome, beard-free husbands with a soft, sometimes boyish appeal. The one exception to this is Emet Selch, who reads as more of an exhausted middle-aged man (or perhaps an elderly millennial) trapped in a twink's body. This rule, however, typically stands. I'm a victim of it myself, if my writer bio is anything to go by.

So naturally, the thirst object of brand-new expansion Final Fantasy 14: Dawntrail is (checking my notes, here) a… uh. It's a two-headed lizard man. Hm.

That's right—despite the fact that Koana, a beautiful, pretty, bespectacled, shy, wonderfully voiced cat boy is standing right there, the FF14 fanbase appears to have walked past him like a pet ignoring a freshly unpacked bed just to sit in a cardboard box. To illustrate this, here's a beautifully rendered image of Bakool Ja Ja in a maid outfit.

As someone who wrapped the Main Scenario Quest up recently, this is extraordinarily funny. Bakool Ja Ja—and I'm taking care to avoid spoilers for the latter half of the story here—is a comprehensive jerk.

He takes almost every opportunity he can to cause problems, unleash terrors, and commit assault. Almost all of his screen time is spent cackling like a Saturday morning cartoon villain—every single idea he has is poorly thought out, and fails catastrophically. He is a schoolyard bully wrapped in a pile of failure. He literally steps on your tacos (not a metaphor, thank god) at one point out of sheer spite.

On the other hand, he is around nine feet tall, has big pecs and back muscles, and y'know. Two heads. That's fun. I guess.

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Spearheading the Bakool Ja Ja propaganda campaign is a poor and blighted soul who has actually straight-up renamed their in-game character to «BakoolJaJa's Babygirl» in an